being required to write leads to my loss of words. at the same time, words are spilling out of my heart. unfortunately, they have nothing to do with the paper that looms, the stress that is carried with it, or the lack of time to get everything done. Or maybe they do. Maybe they have everything to do with my stress and my mess. i have huge, gaping holes in some areas of my life. I struggle to keep relationships with friends intact, as I tell myself that other things take priority. school. grades. track. health. sleep. but the sense of loss is becoming overwhelming. is it all worth it in the end? I don't know yet. most days I just try to fill the hole with music. songs that remind me of you. and you. and you too. what is the point? I often ask myself the point behind my actions, as a way of self reflection and discernment. There are too many times without a good reason. I crave these missing pieces of my life with such longing. but once again, schoolwork wins.